2017 · Dating/Relationships · Random thoughts · Uncategorized

Fear

I’m me, I’m never gonna change, I’m unapologetically myself… unless I really, really like her. Then my ass decides I need to change or tweak some things smh.

How many of you have ever done this? Not changing in a way to trick her into being with you or for sex but trying to change to be what she wants and to make her happy and want to deal with your difficult ass.

Maybe it’s just me.

I will be honest, I can be stubborn, moody, too structured and just downright difficult at times. I know this. I also know that I am not getting any younger and that each failed date, situationship or relationship leaves me closer to being like that t-shirt I wear quite often “Forever Alone”.

Fuck y’all, I’m human.

So with this reality, I find myself at times not fully being myself and guess what happens? Things never work out, as a matter of fact, the woman isn’t happy probably because she can sense that I am not being authentic or what I think she want’s she doesn’t really want.  I also find myself holding on to dead, unhappy situations just because I am not sure if I will get another opportunity or find someone that I actually like. Then, of course, I get upset and say I am going to just be me from now on. That is cool until I look up and I cut someone off after one date for saying something that I deem to be borderline crazy lol.

This has probably been my constant battle for the past 5 years or so and it drives me crazy.

I explain my issues to anyone willing to listen. They all say the same thing. “Maybe it’s the type of women you meet.”  I hate hearing that with a passion. Really? Like all of them? Well, where do I have to go to find the ones for me? Is there another planet or something that I am unaware of?

Then, of course, there is the horrible assumption my friends tend to make. They assume that I treat the woman I am in a relationship like I treat everyone else. This makes me laugh because I’m the opposite with someone I’m actually into. Once I get to that point and I am really into someone so much so that I am thinking about a relationship it will be pretty obvious how I feel about them. If you asked a few exes they would confirm this. Hell in some instances it’s even documented online… well it was. I try to delete all that shit off social media after the fact lol but im sure yall seen a pic or cheesy post from me before proclaiming my undying love or feelings and shit.

So how do I handle this? What do I do?

I suppose I should just remain true to myself and hope that one day it clicks with someone?

Lol, yeah that’s it, let’s see if this lasts the next time a beautiful woman catches my eye and keeps my attention. Stay tuned.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s