I have an addictive personality. This is definitely a gift and a curse.
Probably more so a curse.
As a kid, my addictions were pretty innocent. Collecting sports cards, writing short stories and reading. That was literally all I did outside of school, church, and sports.
As I got older my addictions kind of “matured ” lol. There was that borderline alcoholic stage in college, followed by that eating and alcoholic stage after my Dad died… followed by that whole partying and women thing I went through.
Now if someone saw this they would think that it would be normal behavior of a young adult. Noooooo it was an addiction. When you do something 4-7 days a week and you can’t seem to be happy or function without doing it, well it’s an addiction.
As I slid into my 30’s my addictions changed again. My top 3 were probably social media, eating and whatever woman I was interested in at the time.
Feel bad? Eat. Feel good? Eat. Bored? Eat. Lol and not only eat just a little bit try to push yourself to eat as much as possible each serving. The results? I got fat. At my heaviest, I made it into the 260’s. Definitely a bad look.
Hey, I like this one a lot. Let me spend each moment of each day thinking about her and trying to make her happy. She isn’t messaging me as frequently… what’s wrong? She logged on FB or liked a pic on IG before texting me good morning… why tho? Let me not make the same mistakes that I made with the last one, let me buy a bunch of shit. I wonder what this meme she posted means? She doesn’t really seem too happy, let me try to figure out why and fix it. Lol, this became a daily thing for me. Constantly in my head trying to make sure everything was perfect and that I did everything right so I wouldn’t lose whoever I perceived to be “the one”. It got so bad I was never truly happy and constantly over analyzing every little thing. Once again, not a good look.
Social media is fun, allows me to connect with people, I can thirst over attractive women without seeming like a creep and I can post my random thoughts and not worry about anyone necessarily wanting to have a discussion about it. At the same time, I noticed an alarming trend. If I’m not currently talking to anyone, being overly introverted and borderline lonely my posting online skyrockets. Between my snaps, IG posts and FB statuses and comments in groups, and tweets I was probably averaging 25 – 50 posts a day. That is crazy. Then when I add what impact constantly being on social media had on me. I found myself annoyed by people I didn’t even know. Mad at women I never spoke to before. Pissed at the younger generation for being so damn simple. Then there was that fake attention I received. The “heart-eye” emoji’s or whatever under a picture. All fake but giving me a false sense of something. Kind of sucks admitting that you could get so wrapped up in something that isn’t real at all. Attention is one hell of a drug lol.
Not saying that my addictive personality was all bad. I did finally get back into the gym heavy (posted too much on social media tho) and my addictive personality helps me with my career as well but I definitely have to find my balance.
I suppose being self-aware is the first step. In the meantime, I’ll take my current habits and addictions. It’s definitely better than what I used to do. Drink, chase, eat and spend money frivolously.