All around the world…the same song – 03/08/2014

So last night I was on twitter (big shock there) and I was reading a tweet from one of my followers about relationships ending abruptly and some being over way before they are actually over. I was bored so I asked how that worked and the end result. It was then explained to me that while the person was in a relationship all that they were doing was arguing. On again off again and when they were on things just weren’t working out. She stated that she was basically dumping him for a month daily in her mind and no longer cared if the relationship worked. She stated that she tried to end it but she was persuaded to stay. Then she explained how she started talking someone else.

So of course, me being the black and white person that I am I asked, so you cheated? It was explained to me that she didn’t cheat, however, she checked out from the relationship instead, and never really acknowledged the relationship publicly anymore. It was then explained that she never physically went out with the other person or saw them until the breakup was official and that originally they were just friends. They just talked a lot. So after that conversation, my mind was BLOWN. Lol. The one word that stood out was physically. “I didn’t physically do anything”. After this conversation, I spoke to my boys briefly about it and it was explained to me that men check out too. I was like I understand checking out but never to that “deep” lol. I was informed that it was kind of like the female equivalent of men just going out fucking another woman and cheating. Ok, I suppose this makes sense. Still a head scratcher but cool. Ok enough of my attention to that topic, I decided to go back to watching the game and reading about my favorite narcissist Arnold Schwarzenegger and knock out.

I woke up this morning and that topic was still on my mind. So I decided to google it. As I continue searching I find out it is a phenomenon known as an “emotional affair”. According to Wikipedia – An “emotional affair” is an affair which excludes physical intimacy, and is usually based on emotional intimacy. An emotional affair can also be referred to as an affair of the heart. It is a phenomenon that is not limited to married couples, affecting people in serious relationships of every type. An emotional affair may begin innocently as a friendship with a person outside the relationship. Over time, the partner becomes infatuated, obsessed in some cases, with this friend – and eventually tries to become friendlier, spending more time with him or her at the cost of the relationship that person is already in. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, irrespective of whether marriage is planned or not, and irrespective of if the couple is already married or not, an emotional affair can be considered a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair breaches an agreement in the monogamous relationship of one of the partners to the affair, the term infidelity may be more apt. Well damn. Now I had to go through my mental Rolodex and try to figure out, “have I ever had an emotional affair”. You know, that female friend who you go to when things are bad with your significant other? Nah, luckily for me I usually talk to my sister or get bad advice from my boys so I think I am good. That definition of an emotional affair was pretty good but I figured I would try to find other examples.

I found this article on by Gail Saltz entitled Could You Be Having an Emotional Affair? – Coping with emotional infidelity “Flirtatious emails. Cell phone heart-to-hearts. Perfectly harmless working lunches. It’s a new kind of adultery. There’s no sex, but psychiatrist Gail Saltz knows trouble when she sees it.” Well alrighty then. As I read the article I get more confused about these lines. The work husband/wife dynamic, people I text, hell even people on social networking. Where do these lines cross? So I continued reading the article and came across this passage: “Emotional cheating (with an “office husband,” a chat room lover, or a newly appealing ex) steers clear of physical intimacy, but it does involve secrecy, deception, and, therefore, betrayal. People enmeshed in nonsexual affairs preserve their “deniability,” convincing themselves they don’t have to change anything. That’s where they’re wrong. If you think about it, it’s the breach of trust, more than the sex, that’s the most painful aspect of an affair and, I can tell you from my work as a psychiatrist, the most difficult to recover from. So wait, Emotional cheating is worse than just going out smashing a random broad?

Lol, Nah can’t be. I don’t think you guy’s understand how blown my mind is right now. Maybe this is because I am simple, and a little on the slow or naïve side when it comes to relationships or understanding the opposite sex. My motto is simple, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your partner doing and if you feel like you may be doing something wrong or have to hide something then you are wrong. As a black and white person, I always tend to view things that way. As I continue to think about it maybe there is a lot more of a gray area involved in relationships than I first realized? Maybe I am over thinking again, I have been guilty of that on numerous occasions. Is it really this complicated? As I read these articles and think to myself it would make most people insecure and not trust their partner. Like on some “who you texting”, “who is that male or female you are hanging out with (hey some people are switch hitters)”, “who is this that you’re @-ing, blah, blah, blah but this isn’t good. If you can’t trust someone there is no need to be with them, right? At the same time, it seems as if the “lines” are blurring so much that you almost have no choice? See this is what happens when I stay on twitter and have too much free time on a Friday night. Maybe at the end of the day, it means that both men and women ain’t shit, I will leave it up to yall to decide which side is more ain’t shit. After learned about emotional cheating I have become even more confused about relationships.

I hope y’all figure this shit out because I am lost. Lol Nah but I will admit that this has been one hell of a topic and it has made me do a lot of thinking. I guess it’s just apples and oranges, different toilet, same shit, cheating is cheating and whether it is physical or emotional it is wrong. Either we do it like dogs and don’t cover our shit or we do it like cat’s and cover it. Sometimes we try to justify being wrong or we just flat-out admit that we fucked up and let the chips fall where they may. Man, my head hurt now, y’all figure this out for me and let me know. I guess at the end of the day all around the world it’s the same song, word to Shock G lol.

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