So I was driving home from work yesterday and I was listening to one of my playlists. It’s funny how music can determine your mood.
This one verse low-key sent me through various emotions (Little Brother – Too late for us) –
Yes yes. Let’s go. You know how like, it’s always… They talkin’ ’bout it’s always the one that got away or whatever
When you lose that one, that shit be hurtin Like a motherfucker bro, I ain’t gonna lie to you
This is what it be like, it be like this… I spent all weekend, sleepin’, on her side of the bed
Cause I had nothing to do (She packed her shit and now she’s gone)
Called every number in my cell phone Just so I could try to find a replacement for you (But everybody’s booed up on a Saturday night)
They say that misery loves company But I don’t agree cause I’m all alone (All alone by your God damn self again)
If I had a canvas I would paint a million colors in her name But I’ll put ’em in this song (Maybe she’ll come back to me)
Let it go
Lol, that verse made me wanna hit up a few exes and tell them that I miss them. Then that little subtle “let it go” at the end of the verse snapped me out of it. Thank goodness.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I can’t speak for everyone but I know quite a few of you have gone back to an ex before. Why do we do this? I’m not really sure. I mean the sequel is rarely better than the original movie lol.
I will admit that I have fallen victim numerous times to the random text. I usually get the “how you been”, “I was just thinking about you”, “I miss you” or the really diabolical one “how is your son doing”. Smh. Of course, I respond and one thing leads to another and Boom, we are speaking again. Then before you know it we hang out and either we get back together or we talk for a few weeks then realize the error that we made and cut each other off again. It is human nature to miss someone or things. Hell at some point I loved these people and the majority of my memories are good ones. My problem is that I tend to give these thoughts more power and make them mean more than what they really are. I made an analogy, or maybe just a random statement that I miss basic training sometimes but that doesn’t mean I want to go back. I really need to take this approach with my exes. Not to compare them to basic training but just to realize that sometimes we tend to remember things a lot differently than what they really were.
Kinda like we romanticize them. IJS I hated basic training while I was doing it but 5 years later I miss it? Something isn’t adding up. Another question I have is why do my exes always hit me up? Could it be that I was the greatest boyfriend ever? Maybe it’s that I just gave them the best dick ever and they miss that? Well, let me answer these questions first. Hell if I know, Hell no, and I wish lol. I have my theories. Maybe my ex dealt with a bigger asshole than I was and realized “maybe Calvin wasn’t that bad”. Then again maybe the dude treated them so bad they want me back? It really baffles me because I haven’t changed, nothing has grown and whatever issues we had we didn’t resolve so history will repeat itself.
It’s probably because my break ups end pretty amicably. I think most have ended because of distance or maybe my schedule or maybe fear of the female fully committing or we just outgrow each other. It’s never a situation where like I cheated or mentally or physically abused a woman.
Oh yeah, they also end because apparently “you didn’t fight hard enough to keep them”. Lol, my bad for you telling me it’s over and me saying ok. Don’t say what you don’t mean. Simple. So yeah, sometimes maybe if the break up was messy and we actually did something hurtful to each other there wouldn’t be such a rush to get back with me.
Who knows, I can’t figure women out and stopped trying. I just know that I have to stop falling for the okey-doke. Yes, we know each other’s level of crazy and yes we are compatible and have chemistry but there is a reason things ended.
Did I mention what usually happens when you date an ex. For starters, the start is never fresh. Whatever issues yall had before usually come back up. Then some exes expect you to pick up where you left off. Like after a date or two you hear, “ok we are back together”. Yes, I have been guilty of this too. Like damn, we restarted the game, we didn’t press pause. We are human and no matter how much we say clean slate, it is never a clean slate. I guess you can’t go forward by moving backward. No matter what you may be feeling. If you chill long enough that feeling will pass.
Sometimes we play it too safe and go for what we think we know. I feel like I would prefer taking the risk of something new. No history, no nothing, just a fresh start. So I hope that I will no longer make this mistake again. I am so tired of reliving the same story. In the words of Thomas Wolfe “You can’t go home again” lol.
So here is written proof that I will never date an ex again. Ever. Ok, I’m probably but damn it sounded good. Fyi I’m only speaking for myself. There have been great instances where getting back with an ex has worked. Like Corey and Topanga on Boy Meets World. Ha. So maybe that will work for some of you. Alright, I’m tired of writing, especially when I know I will probably end up going against what I just wrote lol. Stay blessed.