Ordinary Love Shit – 08/22/2014

With the most recent “celebrity” being accused of domestic violence… Joe Budden (not his first time either). I was amused by the responses.  Because a lot of people don’t like him the response was negative.  Now I believe in that whole innocent until proven guilty thing so I reserved judgment but I felt like the response had more to do with who the person was than the actual act.  Before I go any further I decided that I would do a little research…and by research I mean google “famous people accused of domestic violence” and here are my results: The Dream, Mike Epps, The Game, Columbus Short, Ray Rice, Wesley Snipes, 50 Cent, Chad Johnson, Terrance Howard, Chris Brown, Flavor Flav, Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, Gary Dourdan, Tommy Lee, Dennis Rodman, Ike Turner, Floyd Mayweather, Sean Penn, James Brown, Lou Rawls, Rasheed Wallace, Billy Dee Williams, John Singleton, Jim Brown, Jason Kidd, Stone Cold Steve Austin… I can keep going but I think you get the point.

Hell, it seems like quite a few celebrities, athletes, entertainers etc. have been accused and in some cases charged with domestic violence.  Random but I have even heard reports that some people are asking for a boycott of the NFL. Well, I guess you have to do that for the NBA, MLB, tv, movies and music because a lot of women beaters have these careers. So like I asked earlier why the outrage for some and not others?  Lol, I know why it’s because you either like the person or you may know of the woman i.e. Evelyn or Rihanna and feel as if the person was provoked or the female deserved it.  Domestic violence is strange that way.  Maybe it is because women aren’t really valued in our society? Whatever the reason it seems as if it is one of those crimes where the victims seem to get blamed.  Kind of like what happens when cops constantly kill unarmed people or in some instances when a woman is raped.

Generally, whenever someone famous that people like is accused of domestic violence I hear people ask “what did she do to provoke him”, “I bet she is lying”.  The same applies when it comes to friends, family or acquaintances of ours.  Of course on the flipside, I also hear people say how “he shouldn’t have put his hands on her” or no man should ever hit a woman.  Then, of course, both sides argue and the go-to argument is “what if it was your mother or sister or daughter”.  Lol, that usually ends the discussion. My question to you guys would be, is domestic violence that bad?  Seriously, is it?  I ask because of the varying responses I get.  Just a hundred years ago women were being “disciplined” by their husbands and not a word was said.  Great grandma would “act up” and Great granddad would “put her in her place” and that was that. No cops called, no nothing, it was just a way of life.  Heck, I saw an episode of Andy Griffith which had to have taken place in the 1950s or 1960s and they even made light of a couple fighting.  So this reaction to domestic violence is relatively new.  So what changed? What made it so wrong all of a sudden?

Before I get attacked I suppose I will give my brief personal views on domestic violence.  I don’t believe in it or any kind of fighting.  I have yet to have put my hands on a woman in a non-sexual or playful way and I plan to continue this trend.  Outside of having my life threatened no woman has ever come at me in that way.  Besides I am known for walking away, even in arguments (which I rarely have) if it gets too intense I will remove myself from the situation before things escalate. So yeah what has changed with the outlook on domestic violence? I honestly never even knew what it was until the 1990’s and I saw the movie “what’s love got to do with it” and I watched Ike Turner beat Tina’s ass.

Then as I started paying attention to the news I noticed it even more.  I grew up in a 2 parent household and I saw my parents argue and fight on a few occasions… and by fight I mean I saw my Mom hit my Dad and he would have to restrain her without hitting her.  Not an ideal thing to see growing up but shit happens and it taught me how to just walk away.  My father always taught me that you can’t hit a woman…well, wait my first lesson was if anyone hit’s you, you hit them back but as I got older the theme changed to hit them back…except for women.  I agree that some women can push men into some tough situations by provoking them but we can’t hit them back.  Do I think this is fair? No, but I was taught that as a man life ain’t necessarily going to be fair to us and we have to hold ourselves to a different and higher standard than that of a woman or kid.  Take that however you want. Like they said in the spider-man movies “with great power comes great responsibility”.

So if I had a message to men that is what it would be.  Suck that shit up lol. Women, I love y’all.  More than you know but damn.  Some of you do a great job provoking men.  A woman may not know who her congressman is or what the first amendment says or even know how to read but she knows “a man can’t hit a woman” lol. This is true but this doesn’t give you a free pass or prevent you from getting fucked up or consequences for your actions.  Every man has a breaking point and every man is not afraid to go to jail or follows laws.  So when some women push, hit, swing or spit on a man I am always amazed at how shocked they act when he responds by hitting them.  It’s kind of like shaking up a full bottle of soda and then opening it immediately after and being surprised that the soda spilled or shot out on you.  I had a better analogy but this one seems a little simpler.  You have to stop hiding behind that law and realize that the other person is a man and in most cases can fuck you up so govern yourself accordingly.

Speaking of women they commit domestic violence too.  I hear about women beating up their husbands and/or boyfriends quite often. It also happens to celebrities. Al Green getting hot grits poured on him? Domestic violence. Lionel Richie’s ex-wife walking in on him cheating and then beating his ass? Domestic violence.  Then of course in a more extreme case, we have the late Steve McNair who was murdered by his mistress (R.I.P.). What amazes me is that the same female who can get upset about Ray Rice can justify the woman’s actions. “He was a cheater”, “he treated her bad”, she was provoked, etc. Damn double standards lol. Wrong is wrong and if we are going to agree that domestic violence is wrong then we can’t have stipulations.  So no one can justify it because their favorite celebrity did it or athlete or because the girl was violent or just a bitch.  Doesn’t work that way… well, it shouldn’t work that way.

I really don’t know what compelled me to write about this. I just felt the need to address the hypocrisy I see on this topic on a weekly basis.  Lol but hey as long as your favorite entertainer does it there will be no issue and only when it is someone you dislike or a relative all hell will break lose and everyone will mysteriously find their morals.  It’s interesting some of the jokes that have come from domestic violence.  A T-shirts are now called wife beaters, people call hitting a woman “ray ricing her” etc. and I can’t front, as I was a youngin watching What’s Love got to Do with it made me laugh somewhat.  Including that eat the cake line smh.  Ok, I’m done with this topic, it is beginning to make my head hurt.  As far as the most recent domestic violence case goes, we shall see what happens.

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