Boy meets girl. Either via a dating app, social media or out in public. There seems to be a connection so numbers are eventually exchanged. You text a decent amount of time, maybe talk, FT and things seem good. Hell, you go on a date or two. They seem to have the things you look for in a significant other. Definitely a good vibe between you two for the most part during the early stages. So with all of those positives, I have to ask, why is it so easy to fall off with a person?
When I say fall off I just mean lose contact or maybe not talk as often.
Sometimes my friends will ask what happened with “old girl” or I find myself looking through my text log wondering what in the Hell happened with this one?
Let’s take a look at a few potential reasons.
1. The other guy/girl they were dealing with before you came back in the picture & started acting right. It happens, sometimes they know you may be talking to someone else and that motivates them to do right or step it up or maybe they just got their act together on their own. Either way, you can’t compete with that history lol.
2. Conflict of schedule. Sometimes people really are busy. We work, some are parents and we also have other responsibilities. You look up and a few weeks of being unable to link up turns into a month. I know, “people will make time for what’s important ” but what’s more important? Your job, family, rest, plans with friends or some guy or girl you met recently that you kinda like but still don’t really know well?
3. They don’t text you back for days. Look, I kind of explained this before in a previous blog post. Friends, fam, co-workers and other people text us daily. Hell, maybe their phone was cut off or they had to get a replacement phone. I get it, however, after a few unanswered texts, I’m pretty much taking the hint and no longer contacting you until you reach back out (98% of the time).
4. Fear. Sometimes you are afraid because he or she seems to be moving too fast and you aren’t ready. So then there is this internal battle. You have to tell them and hope that they understand. Unfortunately for me it usually goes too far left and I just have to give the “I don’t want to waste your time” speech, smh. Then sometimes you can be afraid because everything is clicking well and you want to move fast. I will admit that personally moving too fast never works for me sooooo it is definitely a huge fear of mine. I’m not really in the mood to repeat history.
5. Broke. Sometimes the date just ain’t in the budget. Maybe the week they want to go out isn’t pay week, or maybe you have to budget for a trip or other expense so money is tied up. Then, of course, there are the unexpected expenses that come up and well you just don’t have it to spare lol. Now I know women pay for dates in the 21st century and you can also maybe have the person over and cook for them but I won’t do that. At least not in the earlier stages. Lol, sounds like excuse after excuse huh? I can imagine it comes off that way to the other person also.
6. Sleep. I am notorious for falling asleep mid conversation. Not a big deal if I am talking to someone in the same area but the times I talked to someone in a different time zone it could be very problematic. Mess around, miss a few convos and never speak again.
7. Social media activity. I can admit it, I have a slight social media addiction and the more single I am the more I am on social media and post. This isn’t necessarily good when you may not give that other person you are talking to an equal amount of time or attention. Ever heard “you can tweet but not text me” lol yeah. Ever be ready to tell someone about your day but you posted everything on snapchat so the convo turns into them responding to everything with “yeah I saw”.
8. Someone better came along. I get it, we all tend to think we are the best for whatever person that we are talking to but that isn’t always the case. Maybe the new man or woman is more compatible, they click better or maybe there is more of a spark between them.
9. Mood. Some days I don’t want to be bothered and don’t want to talk to anyone. So messages may not be answered or if they do the responses will be short. So yeah, I can’t really blame anyone for falling off after that.
10. Life. Sometimes things happen in our life that requires almost all of our attention and energy. Hell, sometimes you get caught up into that and dealing with whatever the issue is you neglect or forget other aspects of your life, such as dating. In a perfect world, I would like to tell the person what’s going on but it’s like, they can’t help, and I don’t feel comfortable sharing this with someone I barely know.
So there goes my list. You know what is funny, as I look at these 10 things I listed, 70 or 80% of them could be prevented if there were better communication. Like if we just told the person what was going on, preferably before it became an issue or the other person had to bring it up there would be no issue and probably no reason to fall off. Ha, go figure.