SELF

I really think that I may be obsessed with self-improvement. I really want to be better in so many aspects of my life. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially and physically.

Of course, this wouldn’t be possible if I wasn’t so overly self-aware. I often find myself reflecting on my situation or how I am acting and it led me to want to make these changes.

So I came up with a plan. After figuring out what my deficiencies were I decided to do something about them.

Researching, writing, studying and the gym plays a major role in this process. Oh yeah, and there is also this daily quest at becoming more and more optimistic and overall a much more positive person.

There has definitely been a change over the year. Between the new career path, weight loss, more certifications, and back writing again I have really made some improvements.

Pats self on back*

Despite this, I fear that this could be problematic. I am beginning to feel that my self-awareness somehow morphed into self-improvement and is now turning into self-absorption.

I always say I am minding my own business and focusing on myself. Mainly because I am too flawed and screwed up to be worried about what someone else is doing. Not to mention that I don’t care. Well, I care enough to comment and occasionally write about it but not enough to let it impact my personal life.

Not a problem with my friends because I always check on them and they know that they can always reach out to me for anything and I will have their back.

Where I think this could be an issue is in my dealings with the opposite sex. I feel like my self-awareness has turned into selfishness.

So I wonder is this the cost of self-improvement or can there be a way that you can accomplish both? I feel like I can be so one track minded that even if there is a balance I would be unable to find it.

I have honestly turned down women due to minor things such as my budget, schedule, diet etc.

It is so bad that I turned down a sure-fire booty call because I knew the woman would want me to stay over and it would interfere with my gym time (lol the drought continues). Hell, I have not gone on dates with people because I didn’t budget for it.

Like, why am I this way?

Hell if I know but I know one thing, I can’t change. Not right now at least. I have to get better and I won’t be satisfied until I see certain improvements.

Lol, I guess I better continue improving myself because there is a good chance that is how I may end up. By myself.

 

 

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