Soooo here are a few definitions of the word gold digger:
one who digs for gold
a person who uses charm to extract money or gifts from others
- a person who dates others purely to extract money from them, in particular, a woman who strives to marry a wealthy man.
- Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man’s bank account than she does about the man.
I am sure that some of the women who have read this blog probably have been called a gold digger and more than likely unjustly so. To those women who have been called this I would like to apologize. You are not gold diggers. You may be a lot of things but a gold digger you are not.
So let’s get the hard part out of the way… fellas we are going to have to take some accountability for our actions. If all that you are “selling” to a woman that you are interested in is material things or telling her what you can buy for her then well what do you expect? If you are on an Applebee’s budget, but you are selling more expensive restaurants out of your price range then that is your fault. If you say you want to take her on trips out of the country and to different states but can barely afford to go to the neighboring city, well that is your fault. If you are lying and telling her you make more than you make or have more than you really have then well, once again it is your fault.
This is what happens when you lie to people. Lol, I get it, lying works. I also get that the truth is usually much uglier than fiction but we have to do better. I can also argue that part of the reason that the truth is so ugly is that we have been fed lies from the opposite sex forever. Men aren’t as stupid as they let on. They know what most women want to hear and will use this to their advantage. I get it, lying works and I know you really want this woman for whatever reason but look at the numbers. At least where I live in D.C. there has to be less single, heterosexual, employed men, than single, heterosexual, employed women. So the numbers are in your favor. There really isn’t a reason to lie. Speaking of lying can we also add omission of truth or information as a form of lying? I get that “well, she didn’t ask” but come on people.
You know what though, maybe it isn’t necessarily men lying to women. I think a larger issue may be self-awareness or maybe men lying to themselves. A lot of us do not realize that we are broke. Seriously, people are out here living paycheck to paycheck or literally one check away from being homeless and have no idea. Money isn’t everything but still, lol. I suppose that ignorance really is bliss.
Often I make statements and I don’t really post any stats to back them up. This is usually because I try to keep my posts shorter but I think in this instance I may need to post a few numbers. I will be speaking to my demographic which will be black men. This is from 2008 but the median hourly wage for black male full-time workers was $14.90. That was 9 years ago, let’s find something more recent.
2017 – Here is the median usual weekly earnings of full-time wage and salary workers by selected characteristics, quarterly averages, not seasonally adjusted. Black men are averaging $722 dollars a week and black women are averaging $645 a week. Now I will give my sister’s credit, more are working for whatever reason and I am looking at the stats and they are getting the better-paying jobs. Of course, this is to be expected because well, they also seem to be doing a better job when it comes to getting a degree in comparison than men. Seriously, just in bachelors degrees alone, black women are almost earning two-thirds of these degrees amongst African- Americans. Despite my views on education, this is no shade, I respect the grind. If anyone is interested I have the stats here and here.
So if we take that $722 and divide that into a 40 hour week these people are averaging around $18 an hour and around 38,000 a year. Not bad depending on what area you live in. I live in Washington D.C. so living off of that hourly would be impossible. Now I also read that the real numbers were lower but let’s go with 38k a year after taxes. 38k before you subtract rent, maybe a car note, utilities, hobbies, healthcare and the need to eat this wouldn’t be bad at all. Oh yeah, and maybe you are a parent also. Good luck.
I said all of this to say, maybe us as men need to really stop and take a closer look at our finances and budget. Lol no I am not embracing my inner Jay-Z. Just asking you to be aware of what you actually have available to spend.
So let me loop this back into this gold digger thing. If you know you can’t afford certain places or can’t afford to do certain things then maybe you shouldn’t date or you need to get more creative with your dating. You can also try something else new… being completely honest. I know it can be difficult telling someone you can’t afford to do something but hell it is better than starving. Been there, done that. I have been on dates counting what we spent like Dave Chappelle on Half Baked. Afraid that if she orders one more thing my card may get declined or that I wouldn’t have enough cash. Having to eat noodles or bologna sandwiches all week because instead of going grocery shopping with your last $100 you took someone on a date. Buying her a gift instead of paying that past due bill lol. Been there, done that, never again.
You have to just communicate with her and let her know what you can and can’t do. Notice that I said to communicate. Also, something that I struggle with from time to time. I am pretty sure that I let my future ex-wife leave because instead of telling her I was broke at the time I just kept trying to chill at the crib or not meet up at all despite her continuing to ask to go out. So I was at a crossroad. I mean I wasn’t going to tell her I was broke and I wasn’t going to let her pay to go out so there was the only logical choice. Go ghost and stop responding to her texts and calls. Good old foolish pride wins again lol.
I see why some of you call women gold diggers though. What we lose isn’t a lot but it is all that we have so it is valuable to us. Still, that free meal or bag or whatever it is you spent or purchased for her isn’t quite the same as what maybe an Anna Nicole Smith did lol. Different tax brackets people. So when gold digger is said by a man 9/10 he is saying it out of anger and pain lol so I “pay it no mind”.
Maybe she is a manipulator, hustler, scammer, user, ain’t shit or trifling but she isn’t a gold digger. Even though one can argue that some of these definitions say otherwise lol. Even if she is, she can’t take anything that you didn’t give her “usually” so the blame still would fall on your shoulders.