2017 · Dating/Relationships · Uncategorized

Under-qualified 

I don’t know if I’m qualified to date most women. This is probably why I rarely make it past the talking stage.

This is no shade to women. No request for them to lower their standards or change their preferences. No complaining asking them to settle. I am not going to tell them they are wrong. No threats letting them know that they are going to end up being the cat lady. This is just a few of MY observations.

Hell, in most instances I am sure that the problem is me more so than them. In fact, I know that it is and this is probably why I wouldn’t throw any shade to women… at least in this post.

Have you ever been job hunting? You go on one of these job finder sites and you search for jobs that you feel you are qualified for. Then you actually read the job description and requirements. Must have 7 years prior experience, be able to do things that you have never done before in your previous jobs, certain certifications, blah, blah. Generally, after reading all of this you feel dejected, frustrated and damn near hopeless because you know good and damn well you don’t meet the requirements.

Lol, that is how I feel when I converse with some women or make the mistake and view their social media posts.

Seriously, have you ever felt like shooting your shot at someone & then you see her IG, read a few posts or memes about what she is looking for in a man & you be like nvm? 🤣🤣🤣

I know it can’t just be me that has done this before.

Now to those of you who have the ego or courage or confidence to still take that shot? More power to you. I am not built that way. If the sign says “do not enter” I am not going to enter.

I used to have it figured out but things just aren’t as black and white as they used to be. Hell, I don’t even know the particular role of a man in society today. I mean I know what I was taught and that is what I follow but after engaging with other’s in my age bracket things are just different.

We can’t do or be just like Dad and Grandad was. It won’t work.

Not to say that different is bad and that we shouldn’t be open minded and open to change. Hell, it took some time but there are certain traditions that I have learned to be flexible on and have forced myself to adapt to.

However, when I see posts where a woman wants me to be obsessed with her, able to give her space, a little jealous but not clingy, not controlling, great listener, doesn’t engage in small talk, initiates every convo, give her money for hair and nails frequently, trustworthy, loyal, lead, follow her, pay all the bills, be about my money, travel a lot, be a homebody, a Christian, a freak, low-key, show her off, gentleman, thug, eat booty, a traditional man, in touch with my emotions, not sensitive, crazy and sane, etc. etc.

Don’t get me wrong, great traits to have and I actually have a few but sheesh. Hell, I struggle with the small talk, the battle to text or call, when to date so I can’t even get to show women the good stuff lol.

Lol and I understand that these requirements aren’t set in stone and all shouldn’t be taken so literally but if I see or hear something long enough I am inclined to believe that there is some truth in it.

A friend asked me was my approach or lack of an approach a confidence issue and I said no. I just don’t like wasting my time or anyone else’s. If a woman said she doesn’t date men with kids or prefers men in their 20’s or wants a guy who is a little heavier or whatever the preferences she has that I don’t meet, why would I bother? Time is valuable lol and I am not in the business of changing minds. Nor will I change who or what I am in order to appeal to someone else.

It’s funny, recently (sometime this year) a woman tried to hook me up with her friend. The friend was attractive, no argument there so I asked a few questions about her. As she went through her spill, she told me that her friend wanted to get married “yesterday”. So I declined. She asked me why and I told her that while marriage was in my plans it was not in my immediate plans so no need to waste her friends time. See, this made perfect sense to me however it turned into “Calvin, you don’t even try”. I stopped and thought about it for a second and said you’re wrong. I think it is an underrated quality to know what your strengths and weaknesses are and to be honest with yourself. To be able to be so honest with yourself and so disciplined that you can tell yourself no and be ok with it is a beautiful thing. Hell, I did her friend a favor.

Oh yeah, and spare me the whole “take a risk” line. I have done that before as well and almost cursed someone’s daughter out. Lol, every time I couldn’t do or wouldn’t do something she was used she would do her best to remind me “I’m not her normal type”. I would laugh and tell myself “I can’t wait until we have sex so I can leave her” look, I wasn’t always a decent guy, and I needed to get something out of the deal, sue me. Lol, my point was that I do not want to go through anything remotely close like that again and instead of having someone throw things in my face it is better that they go out and get a man who is better suited or aligned with them and their standards. That way this won’t even be an option.

Lol, so the next time someone asks me “why am I single” my new response will be that it is because I am probably too under-qualified to be in a relationship.

 

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