It’s me not them?

I mean you’re a good man or woman, right? You’re “dope”, loyal, educated, have a little money, honest, trustworthy, a great communicator, rare, ready to love, ready to build, a good person and all that other ish they tell us it takes or what we should have in order to be in a successful relationship or be relationship ready.

So why aren’t you in a relationship? Let’s see, dating sucks and it is redundant, right? Oh yeah, there are also other issues I’m sure. Let me guess. Your standards are too high, all you meet is fuck boys, people already in relationships, crazy women, superficial women, men who aren’t ready, women who are needy or nag too much, etc.

You’re just that unlucky. It’s always them and never you. I mean, hell, none of your exes are married or happy so obviously, the problem can’t be you.


Sometimes I feel as if on some level almost everyone either thinks they look better, are smarter, richer and are better people than they really are.

I not only blame us but I also blame social media and our friends for sometimes lying to us. See what all of those likes and bad advice or enabling got us?

I hate preaching that same accountability sermon because it has been established that a lot of you “fake innocent victims” out here wouldn’t know accountability if it slapped you in the face. Then there is that percentage of people that seem to be so delusional with themselves or have lied so much to themselves that they really believe that they are something they really aren’t.

An example of this? The guy who feels used by women. He doesn’t really tell her his true financial situation. He pretends to have more than what he really has and he sells her on what he can do for her, what he can buy and places he can take her…basically all the superficial shit. So now she is all in and when the truth comes out and his funds deplete she leaves him. Now she is a gold digger, not loyal and a bitch. Why tho? You presented yourself to her in a certain way and promised her things that you obviously couldn’t deliver. What did you think was going to happen? She was going to fall in love with you and then be able to overlook what you originally promised her? Idiot.

Ladies, you’re just as annoying too. All these men attempt to talk to you but you can’t seem to find the right guy. Could it be that all of them just aren’t right for you or he didn’t respond to a text fast enough so you ghosted him? Maybe you were so caught up in another dude (the wrong one obviously) so you didn’t notice him. Hell, maybe you were waiting for him to notice your subtle ass form of flirting and he didn’t so you assumed he curved you. Maybe he was the wrong zodiac sign or had the same birth month as an ex. Lol whatever the reason, there is a good chance that he crossed your path and you just didn’t notice him.

I’m not going to sit and go back and forth on each side. That would be pointless, instead, I will do something that is rare. I will practice what I preach and take accountability. I had this moment of clarity over 5 years ago and while it hasn’t really helped my relationship status it has helped with my peace of mind or at the very least helped me understand why my relationships fail and what I need to work on as a person.

That’s the thing. Even when the other person messes up in a relationship there are still some lessons that can be learned. Things you should have done during the relationship, paid attention to, something.

So if I were to look in the mirror and really answer “why am I single” it wouldn’t be too difficult. As I sit back and think about all of the reasons that I stopped talking to, dating or ended a relationship with someone, sheesh.

Drumroll, please…

  1. Lack of effort or too laid back. In some instances, my effort just wasn’t there. Hey, I wasn’t pressed or cared enough to pursue people. Well maybe not pursue but sometimes I just didn’t do the small things. Send another text after the other’s didn’t get answered. Apologize even though I know I was right.
  2. Broke. Sometimes I couldn’t afford to date as often as I liked. Between being a parent, unexpected expenses, a loss of employment. things happen. Something had to go and well… you know what I chose obviously. Usually without an explanation.
  3. Pride. Lol, this can apply to almost everything I list. Too proud to try and fix things, too proud to put myself out there, too proud to explain myself, too proud to put forth more of an effort. Let’s throw in being stubborn also.
  4. Moody. Sometimes my moodiness got the better of me. I lost at least one perfect woman because she caught me on that right day and she made a threat and my moody as was like fine and never responded to her again.
  5. There is also the fact that I’m corny and boring as shit lol. I live by a schedule, I am introverted and a homebody. I actually like to write and chill at home, nap and I can be content with not doing much of anything. That can be a problem for some women. That spark is needed and in some instances, the spark wasn’t there or I couldn’t provide one.
  6. Only wanted sex. Sometimes I only wanted something physical. So once she wanted a title or more I ended it. Even if we were compatible.
  7. Lack of communication. Yes, I know this woman is asking questions because she wants to get to know me but I don’t feel like talking and explaining myself so eff it. Lol, or I don’t feel like being bothered and doing all this talking, next!
  8. Pregnancy scare lol.
  9. Distance. She lives too damn far.
  10. I wasn’t over my ex and tried to move on too fast.
  11. Better as friends. I didn’t want to risk losing the friendship so I stopped or gave up on the potential of a relationship.
  12. No time for a relationship. Between being a parent, going to work and my school schedule at one stage of my life I was too busy and didn’t have enough time for my significant other.
  13. Chased the difficult one and ignored the one who was interested in me.

Lol, I can keep going. Now notice I didn’t even talk about the times where it wasn’t my fault. Not saying that it never happened. Hell, I have been lied to, cheated on used for money (those few hundreds hurt my pockets lol) and everything else under the sun but I would rather focus on my mistakes and the things that I can control. Nor do I want to sit and dwell on what someone else did to me. That is probably how we get so caught up in being a victim and holding on to the pain someone else caused us. Sometimes it is easier to just say I picked the wrong person and they did me dirty. I swear in most instances it’s probably not much deeper than that. If they are bad people it wouldn’t matter who they were dealing with, they would have done the same thing anyway.

This is also why I don’t get on that whole “whoa is me” kick. If karma is real I definitely earned being unable to find a significant other. I mean I lost some good women over childish and trivial reasons lol. I sometimes think that is lost on other people as well lol.

So yeah, there you have it. I am all for having self-confidence and loving yourself but can you be honest and objective also? Please? Just do me that favor. I get it, it is difficult and humbling being completely honest with yourself but at some point, you need to do it. It will make life a little less complicated, I promise. It also allows you to really see where you need to grow or what you need to improve on as a person, which is something all of us need to do on some level.

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