No hugs 

I got on Twitter because I was bored and don’t have to work tomorrow. What I saw as I scrolled my timeline was actually pretty messed up. Women were discussing their sexual assault experiences, more specifically sexual assault at twitter meetups/events. Call me crazy but I honestly believe the majority of all women have been victims of sexual assault on some level. No, I haven’t done research but between the stories that I have heard from friends, exes, women I have dated, acquaintances and seeing stories on social media and the news there is no doubt in my mind that it happens quite often.

I tend not to speak on subjects like this because what can you really say? Especially to the women who are victims of sexual assault. Nothing really. It’s best to just be quiet, listen and learn. So there will be no victim blaming, no asking “well why didn’t you come forward”, “what did you do to lead him on”, “some women lie about these things”, “but he was a good dude” or “not all men”. None of that, only my sincerest apologies and hope that these experiences are something that you can bounce back from.

Instead, I will address men and men only in this post.

Maybe we are going to have to brain dump certain things we were taught growing up. No does, in fact, mean no. Being persistent is usually a bad thing and there is no such thing as playing hard to get.

Maybe we are taking that whole being an assertive man thing too far. I get that whole taking initiative, leading and being in control thing as a man, I promise that I get it but it is obvious that some of us really need to change our approach and way of thinking in regards to the opposite sex.

I guess I am going to have to take it back to Sesame Street on some of you with the word of the day. The word of the day is consent. Spell it with me C-O-N-S-E-N-T, consent. Now, let’s use this word in a sentence. A woman must give you consent to touch her.

Hell, let’s look at the definition of the word.  Consent – permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Basically, if she doesn’t give you permission to do something, you shouldn’t do it.

So maybe she did give you “the look” or she took your number, danced with you, agreed to go on a date, sent you nudes or accepted your drink/gifts. Guess what these things mean? Well, it means that she looked at you and maybe you should speak or gave you permission to text or call her, dance with her, go on a date, look at her naked pictures or spend money on her drink or gifts. That’s all that they mean.

Stop assuming it means she wants more or that she owes you something.

Speaking of the drink buying when we are out attempting to meet women we really need to stop. Remember that if she is drinking, technically she can’t give consent. Yes, I admit that this argument plays into my frugalness but whatever, I just feel as if it sets a dangerous precedent knowing what impact alcohol has on the mind and body. So back to being out and meeting women, they are strangers so you treat them as such. This also applies to women you may interact with on a social media platform. You can converse every day but this does not mean anything at all. Do not touch them without permission. No hugging, kissing, grabbing the hand/arm, shoulder touching, nothing. Ask or allow her to take the initiative. I admit that it doesn’t sound that smooth but hey, better than the alternative.

This approach makes sense when dealing with strangers but what about women you may know? Even then, I would make sure that the person and I have an understanding and some form of consent was given. For the record, being on a date or in bed with each other doesn’t even mean or guarantee anything either. Consent has to be given.

I saw one of those “your MCM” jokes on Twitter this week. The joke basically said something like “your MCM texts you that I should have kissed you goodnight after the date, your MCM is 30 something” lol. First of all yes I was triggered by this tweet and secondly, you really shouldn’t assume certain things. I have been told that I am not aggressive enough or been told that I was acting afraid or whatever but I am ok with this. Better be called those things than a rapist.

It may sound too extra but you just can’t assume anything and besides, if you explain yourself and the woman is actually feeling you, it will be ok. Now if she isn’t feeling you like that then well, you are going to take an L and that is ok. Both have happened to me lol. Some women like it and some said I was “scared of the pussy”, that’s just part of the game, can’t win them all.

Oh yeah, let me address that social media/phone interaction thing again because I feel that is relevant. I think that quite often because we do interact with these people daily we think that we know them. Guess what, we don’t. Yes, she may post thirst traps, may have booking info in her bio, may have sent you or posted her nudes or tweet that she wants a man who is aggressive, will do certain things sexually etc. Hell, she may even text or “sext” you certain things she wants to do but those things still do not apply when you finally meet. So maybe you saw the sexual tweets but she tweeted them for someone else or she may not be feeling that way anymore and was just in a mood when she posted it. Hell, she could just be bored or fake flirting. It happens. Do not treat it as consent. Maybe you think that if she does what you consider “hoe or thot like things” that is what she is into, still no reason to cross that line.

Also, fellas, we have to check our friends and hold them accountable for their actions. Sometimes we can see how a woman is really reacting to them and they can’t or don’t care to see it so it is up to us to stop them and pull them away from certain interactions or potential situations. No more justifying it by saying “that’s just how he is” or agreeing that she was asking for it or just laughing at it.

Lol and stop getting so drunk, we tend not to make the smartest decisions and become much bolder when under the influence.

Sounds like a lot and pretty extreme doesn’t it fellas? It really isn’t, trust me. It’s crazy because this post isn’t applicable to some of you because you know how to interact with a woman. Sadly, however, there are some of you that still haven’t got the memo and need to change your approach ASAP and/or seek professional help.

In the meantime, I would suggest you go onto Twitter and just read some of these stories because I think our perception or definition of sexual assault is skewed. Quite often we think it just means rape but it doesn’t. Inappropriate touching, inappropriate conversation, catcalling, unsolicited dick pics, all of that is a form of sexual assault in my opinion. We really have to do better job fellas, enough is enough.

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