Family Time


Families can be dysfunctional as hell. So in honor of the holiday season, I would like to take the time to acknowledge our families. More specifically, southern black families. Why? Well, I am black and those are the only types of families that I interacted with. Despite the dysfunction and beef, normally relatives tend to throw those differences aside and get to together to fellowship.

So, let me make a list of the 10 types of relatives you may come across in SOME black families and apparently the TV show Shameless lol. Disclaimer time… This list is my opinion and does not apply to all families so do not take it as such. Thank you.

  1. Pedophile/Creep relative – You have that relative who always tells you “girl/boy if we weren’t related I would be all over you” or that relative that your Grandmother warns you about and you can’t leave the kids around.
  2. LGBTQ relative – Maybe they didn’t come out of the closet but you notice at every family event they bring their same-sex friend or roommate around, may even fix their plate lol and of course, they never bring anyone of the opposite sex around either. May also be referred to as a tomboy or sweet.
  3. Liar/Thief relative – Whenever this relative tells a story you always tend to look around at other relatives for confirmation or look at each other with that “now you know he/she lying” smirk on your face. You also tend to leave your purse in the trunk of your car or continuously check your wallet when you know that they will be around.
  4. Alcoholic/Drug Addict relative – They are always drinking or smell like liquor or other substances. They do it so much you are actually shocked when you see them sober.
  5. Negative/Hater relative – No matter what you say or do they always have something negative to say. They can never just be happy for you and are always jealous. You can get a new job and they will bring up how you got fired or you can get in a new relationship and they will bring up the last guy. The negativity doesn’t end with them.
  6. Womanizer/Promiscuous relative – He could be married or in a relationship but he cheats and we all know it but no one talks about it. Especially if his wife or girlfriend is around. She has a new boyfriend or for the kids, you have a new “uncle” or “aunt” every year at the family reunion. No one ever feels comfortable leaving their “man” or “woman” around him/her either
  7. Stuck up relative – This relative thinks that they are better than everyone else. Always turns their nose up at you and can be overly judgmental even though they are from the same area that you happen to be from.
  8. Crazy relative – This relative is a little crazy or touched. May have beat up or shot a few people but outside of that, they are cool. Everyone knows not to bother them because they may go off on you and no one can calm them down but Grandma.
  9. Begging relative – They can’t keep a job and they are always asking for money, a hookup or a favor. They always say they will pay you back knowing that they won’t and they always have the most elaborate sob story or reasons as to why they need money or whatever it is that they want from you.
  10. Criminal relative – They stay in jail so often that you only see them every few years.  It’s so bad that you are shocked when they are actually out.

Oh yeah and honorable mention – That overly religious relative. The one who you ask how they are doing and they always say “blessed and highly favored” or the type who forwards religious chain messages all day via text or Facebook. If you ask them for something 9 times out of 10 they are going to say I will pray for you and that’s it. They mean well but they always talk religion and try to push their beliefs on you and don’t let them bless the food. Your food will get cold before they finish praying.

Did I miss anyone? This list seems kind of negative doesn’t it? Well, I did throw in the word dysfunction for a reason lol. It is somewhat interesting that we have all of these types of people in our family but in the same breath will blame society and media for certain “types” or “groups” of people. I hear so many people speak on the media’s gay agenda, mental health, pedophilia, the promotion of sex, criminal images and negative stereotypes on tv.

So are we going to take any responsibility? Don’t get me wrong, the government and media are evil in my opinion. They reinforce so many negative images daily. That is why I believe in having certain uncomfortable conversations with kids and explaining to them what they see on TV isn’t necessarily real or applies to them. This is also why it is important to monitor and limit what they watch on TV and/or on the internet.

At the same time, even before TV was in everyone’s house we had these types of people. So TV didn’t make your Auntie gay, or that old uncle crazy or that cousin a pedophile or your Uncle Bobby a hoe or Aunt Gertrude a lying thief. Shit been in the family for years and instead of addressing it, seeking professional help, getting these people arrested and not covering it up or teaching them a better way you let things go, causing a vicious cycle.

Lol and on the strange side somehow you are able to be around different types of people that you swear you hate because they are “family” but can’t interact with those types outside of the family because of your phobia? How can you hate gay people or be afraid of them yet you have no issue with your gay cousin? I’m just saying, why can’t you be tolerant of different people all of the time?

Do better.

Oh yeah, and enjoy your family this time of the year, dysfunctions and all because as you all know we don’t always get together for good reasons. Sometimes the family is getting together because someone died. So seriously cherish these moments while you can.




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