Holiday excuses

Well, it’s that time of the year again, the Holiday season. November, December, and January (the hell with Halloween). Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas, followed by New Years, what a time.

To the few of you that know me well, you know that I am not a holiday person at all. My Mother can’t stand it and in my defense, I wasn’t really that bad until my father died in 2003. It just doesn’t feel the same and never will. Then it hit me again in 2009 during my son’s first Christmas and I couldn’t really afford to buy him anything. Probably one of the lower moments in my adult life. Since I didn’t like sharing these reasons with everyone I decided to get more creative over the years and incorporate more logic as to why I do not like the holidays.

I first came up with the whole “commercialization” of the holiday’s line. I would throw out the usual rhetoric, the government and big corporations are behind these days. It’s just a way for the upper class to manipulate and take advantage of the lower class and take what little money they have.

Then I decided to get a little more creative and go with the whole Pagan holiday excuse. If we knew the true origins of these holidays we really wouldn’t celebrate them.

Unfortunately, the rebuttals to my excuses were “but you still buy your friends and family gifts” and “you aren’t even a religious dude anyway so why do you care”. #TeamSpiritual tho lol.

Fair enough.

So this year I am going to be prepared with a new excuse whenever my mother asks me why I won’t be home next week.

I am going to incorporate the 7 deadly sins. Just hear me out lol.

  1. Envy = Envy is bad enough but it also leads to depression. Try being a single man during the holidays and maybe away from your kid. Log onto Facebook and IG and see all the families or happy couples. Thinking to yourself damn I wish I had that or wondering if your day will ever come.
  2. Gluttony = We get to be gluttonous during Thanksgiving as we eat, during Christmas as we want all these gifts and during New Years as we drink.
  3. Greed or Avarice = I embrace my greed not badly on Thanksgiving after my 3rd plate but also the night after when fighting other customers on Black Friday to buy overpriced electronics that we think are on sale but still well above market value.
  4. Lust = We get to embrace the lust during New years especially, I mean I know I’m trying to get a kiss and a nut, I don’t know about you lol.
  5. Pride = Let me post this stuff on social media or brag to all of my friends what I have, what I purchased, what I am eating or where I’m at or what I am doing. I mean I have to show off right?
  6. Sloth = After a few plates or drinks you aren’t going to feel like doing shit lol.
  7. Wrath = Wrath…hell, just read everything I wrote above. If that doesn’t make you angry I don’t know what will. Oh yeah and try being around your family for hours at a time, lol there is always one relative that will bring that anger out of you.

So I think I have all of my excuses ready whenever I get that phone call this weekend.

All jokes aside (if you hadn’t noticed this was somewhat satirical, except that I do not like holidays and will be skipping Thanksgiving) while I do have some beef with the holiday’s I have grown to appreciate other aspects of them. Mainly the fellowship aspect. It is nice to spend time with friends and family for whatever reason, outside of the death of someone of course. At this stage of my life that is probably the only thing that I do enjoy about the holiday season. So to those of you participating, I wish you nothing but the best and by all means, enjoy and make the most of this time of the year. Also to those of you who need an excuse for whatever reason, I hope this post helps. Happy Holidays.

You know, if I were just to become a Jehovah’s Witness I wouldn’t even need to have this discussion. Maybe I will use that one next year.

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