Rebound

Remember this scene from the tv show A Different World?

In this scene, the main character Whitley Gilbert leaves her fiance, Byron Douglas at the altar for her ex Dwayne Wayne.

I know quite a people say that it is one of their favorite scenes in TV history. A sign of true and real love. A man fighting for what he wanted and getting it despite the odds that were stacked against them.

I don’t know about all that lol.

While many of you celebrated the union of our favorite characters Dwayne and Whitley did you ever think for a second, what happened to Byron was messed up or was it just me?

As I watched the reruns of this episode I found myself wishing Byron or one of his boys would have beat Dwayne’s ass or Hell, maybe his Mom could have slapped Whitley or something and then maybe she could have slapped Byron’s dumb ass too.

Sadly, Byron is a prime example of what can happen to the “rebound guy”. What is the rebound guy you may ask? Simple, he is basically the guy that a woman dates while she is attempting to get over her ex. Not a bad position to be in if you play your cards right, understand your purpose or role and you are ok with your temporary position.

This reminds me of one of the more famous “rebound guys”. The dude who dated J. Lo after she dated Puff Daddy. Cris Judd. Cris was a dancer but ended up not only dating J. Lo after Puff but she actually married dude briefly. So I can imagine he received the perks of being with J. Lo, and some brief fame, maybe more opportunities to work, hell,  he may have even received a few bucks. Well played Mr. Judd, wherever you are, well played.

Let me get back to these fictional characters and this fictional story that I was writing about from the television show, A Different World. Byron met Whitley a few months after her breakup with Dwayne (they broke up a day before they were supposed to be married, Dwayne’s fault, he wasn’t ready and went on a date with another woman).  Byron seemed to be what Whitley wanted, a generous, successful, mature, financially stable man who knew what he wanted and was not afraid of commitment. So eventually, they date and become engaged in what I can imagine was less than a year or so.

Lol and that is what always confused me about Byron. He seemed to be an intelligent and observant man. He was able to pick up on the fact that Whitley and Dwayne had something going on before he forced Whitley to tell him. She also slept with Dwayne while they were together and he forgave her for that. Wow. So when we look at the short period of time dating, the fact that she didn’t really tell him about her past and that she slept with her ex a few months before their wedding day it would be wrong of me not to say that all of the signs were there. She wasn’t over her ex.

It would also be wrong of me not to assign quite a level of responsibility on Byron and hold him accountable. You saw all of these signs and continued dating and proposing to this woman. How stupid can you be? Maybe I am being too harsh, I mean some people do say that love can make you stupid. Then again, maybe he heard her story and told himself and her “I’m not going to do you like that other guy” and was so focused on making her happy that he didn’t realize or notice what really was going on. Nor did he realize that she really didn’t love him. Hell, maybe he was doing this because he was older and his clock was ticking or maybe for his career (he was a politician), whatever the reason it was a bad decision.

So there, to all of you “well it was his fault” people I gave him accountability, but let’s not stop there.

We can’t get over the fact that Whitley went into a new relationship with a man knowing she loved someone else and then had the audacity to accept his proposal and almost marry him, just trifling.

Dwayne was trifling too but I get it if I were to really be in love with a woman and was faced with the reality of losing her I imagine I would do whatever it took to get her back before it was too late.

Fellas, we have to pay attention to the signs. I know some of you don’t like to listen to women talk because you may feel that they talk too much but you have to. I promise it isn’t that bad. There is also the added plus that generally, she will tell you everything that you need to know. You also need to pick up on her habits and pay attention to them, this will also give you a hint of your impending doom lol.

Here are a few that I have noticed over the years, outside of just listening to my “gut”.

  1. She recently got out of a long relationship with someone she loved, had a kid with, divorced, or lived with.
  2. If she constantly talks about her ex and what he did in the past to her good or bad. Compares him to you also, maybe even mention how jealous he would be whenever you guys may be doing something nice that they didn’t do together. Always bringing up what he is doing now or things about his life. Lol, probably has one of her friends following him on social media to keep up with his life.
  3. Speaking of social media, maybe she always makes posts subbing him on social media or seems to always make negative relationship or breakup posts. Of course, she may say that she is just retweeting or posting “just cuz” and everything doesn’t apply to her lol, ok.
  4. She moves too fast in the relationship. I’m not sure how you can tell this one because in my experiences most women move too damn fast lol…kidding, you will know if it’s too fast.

I have been in “Dwayne’s” shoes and took someone from the rebound guy. I have been in Byron’s shoes where I foolishly didn’t realize that I was the rebound guy and someone took the woman back from me. Nothing as drastic as being left at the altar but a brother was surprised when I either got no response via phone call/text or would see a woman I was with pop up on social media with a man lol. I have also been the rebound guy knowingly and I will admit that was kind of fun, at least physically. Since I knew what it was I never allowed myself to fully be all the way in and never fully committed to a relationship. It’s funny because once things ended I always would pretend to be so sad and shocked just because. I mean, if you are going to fake like you really wanted me and were over your ex at the beginning, I could at least fake at the end. Terrible I know, thank goodness for growth, now doing all of this crap seems like too much work and a waste of time.

You know, this is why I used to be afraid for my quarterback, Russell Wilson when he started dating Ciara. I thought he was her “rebound guy” lol. She was definitely showing signs of someone who wasn’t over her ex during the early stages. However, after observing Russ the last few years I noticed that whatever happens in his personal life doesn’t really seem to impact him on the field, he still performs at a pretty high level. So minus good blogging material, I could care less about what happens in his personal life. It’s none of my business and I wish him and his family nothing but success.

Do you believe in karma or consequences for your actions? I do. Now that I think about it, even that TV show there were examples of it. Because Byron ignored the signs Whitley gave him, he ended up being left at the altar and embarrassed in front of friends and family. I also feel that because of Dwayne and Whitley’s actions they experienced so much “bad luck” (or maybe it was karma) in the early stages of their marriage. Between the honeymoon being interrupted because of the LA riots, Whitley losing her job, their place getting robbed, being broke, etc. they had a rough beginning to their marriage.

So yeah, don’t be the rebound guy unknowingly because the majority of the time it’s a lost cause. Even if you meet all of the requirements that she desires in a man, treats her right and do everything that you can, it still won’t matter because she is in love with someone. That is who she will compare you to. How can you compete against that? You can’t, well you shouldn’t. Lol, and don’t give me that well she can “grow to love you” or “wait her out” bull either, just charge that to the game and find another woman who is actually available. It will save you a lot of grief.

Oh yeah, and I am aware that “men do it too” lol.

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