Emotionally unavailable?

Ever been called emotionally unavailable by someone? I decided to google up the definition of it. Here is what I found…

“If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. They’re evasive, make excuses, or just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. Some use anger, criticism, or activities to create distance.”


“Generally, emotional availability in men is different than in woman both because of society’s conditioning and because most men experience interpersonal bonding differently than most women.”


“Other warning signs include flattery, control, anger, or arrogance, which all signal an aversion to intimacy.”


I see this term being thrown around quite often on social media, mainly by women (I follow more women than men because well, Y’all look good lol) and I find myself wondering if this a valid thing or is this just the newest thing that everyone claims to deal with. Just add this to the “everyone wastes your time” or “is a fuckboy” lol.

So in what context are these men being emotionally unavailable. I ask because I notice that most of the people who complain about this are single and speaking about men that maybe they have or are dating. Like I never had any exes say I was emotionally unavailable, only women I dated or talked to briefly and never fully got to know over an extended period of time.

You know back in my day it wasn’t called being emotionally unavailable. Instead, women would accuse me of having a wall up or being too laid back or claim that I was cold or didn’t care or didn’t like talking much. I am happy that now there is a general term to describe this obvious disorder lol.

I personally believe that if a man likes you he usually isn’t emotionally unavailable. However, I feel as if there is a process that comes with that. It requires getting to know someone, spending time with them and eventually gaining trust with the person. It would be foolish for every man and woman to just “give themselves” openly to every person who they are interested in or show interest too. That, quite often is how people get taken advantage of. You still should protect your heart somewhat and take the necessary steps before just letting your guard down.

I think that we often forget that everyone doesn’t move at the same pace.

Now, by all means, I am not saying be 100% difficult. At some point, we all have to be a little flexible with someone. However, people need to realize that everything requires time and there is a process. I get it, you may be tired of dating, you are ready to find “the one” and you truly believe that the next man or woman is your forever… relax. You still can’t rush shit, well you shouldn’t.

Then again, maybe you should, it’s not as if I am in a relationship lol. I just feel as if so often we Social media/Google/armchair psychologist’s misdiagnose people all the time lol. You were talking to a guy a few days, mainly via text and you have come to the conclusion that he is emotionally unavailable? That quickly huh? Lol, maybe you are in the wrong line of work.

I suppose its a moot point because after assuming that this person is emotionally unavailable you are going to leave them alone anyway. However for future reference maybe you may want to take a page out of their book and not be so eager to just throw everything out there off gate or at the very least invest a little more time with someone before jumping to conclusions? I mean, you could be out here thinking every man is emotionally unavailable and in all honesty, he just doesn’t know you well enough to fully open up yet.

Hell, I have dated some women over the years who at first interaction or glance could be classified as emotionally unavailable. Yet after some time and conversation, I learned that maybe they have walls up due to past experiences or maybe they were going through something in their personal life that made them distant or is impacting them a certain way. It also could mean that they just are smart enough to realize that rushing isn’t necessarily the way to go. Whatever the reason I at least had an idea of what was going on and it made sense. Then I was able to decide if I wanted to deal or not.

Maybe that is part of the battle for men. Maybe we could be more verbal and let women know what’s going on or why they are acting a certain way. At the same time have you ever attempted to tell a woman who is into you that you may not feel like talking or something? Lol, it turns into more talking, quite a bit of explaining and can be very frustrating. “What’s wrong”, “Can I help”, “I’m not like other women”… I can keep going. (That nurturing gene that some women have is amazing but sometimes, it’s like, chill out stranger lol). So as frustrating as this may be I suppose it’s still better than going silent. So with a heavy heart I have to tell men we have some accountability in this too and we have to let women know where we are coming from on some level. We at least have to let them know what’s going on or what is wrong.

Then if they continue to press you or can’t quite understand or you can’t find a happy medium and the same problems arise? Well, you know what you must do lol.

No, not just drop them… not at first. Instead, attempt to figure out if they are worth the time and energy that it will take to get on the same page and if so continue dating them, if not? Let them go find someone who may be more inclined to open up sooner.


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