No, I’m not on my “relationship guru” ish. I’m not here to bash or preach to or tell women to do anything. Hell, I am not even trying to tell women that they need to change their standards.
Instead, I am asking a question…better yet maybe making a hypothetical suggestion. I have noticed that there are a lot of women who say that there is a shortage of good men available for whatever reason.
I guess there is a shortage? I don’t really pay attention to the dating pool for women (for obvious reasons) so I am inclined to take their word for it.
Ok, let me get to my point. So last week I found out that two of my co-worker’s significant others were released from being incarcerated last week. It wasn’t a situation where they were together before incarceration and they were waiting while the men were in jail. Instead, they knew of each other through mutual friends or in a non-romantic way but didn’t get to know these men until they were already incarcerated. Talk about the original “pen-pal”, get it pen as in penitentiary (it was corny but I laughed).
Then while viewing snapchat on Saturday I saw someone post a snap about finding their future mate in prison. Apparently, there is this show on the WE network, called Love After Lockup. Not completely sure of the premise of the show but I imagine people get hooked up with inmates or something like that, and you communicate via phone and letters or maybe visits.
Hell, that kind of sounds like the typical online dating/long distance relationship lol.
I typed all of that to say or ask, would you date someone who has been to jail? Is a criminal record a deal breaker?
I am beginning to believe that maybe some people should.
I get it, there is a stigma in regards to anyone who has been to jail before. I imagine it is even worse in regards to them being in any relationship. Let’s see, some of the things that I hear are that they are bad people ( I mean they are criminals), that take advantage of lonely women, and they probably at some point had sex with a man before and that they have no money and can’t find work.
Believe it or not everyone in jail isn’t necessarily a bad person, hell some aren’t even guilty and I’m not even going to get into the issue of a certain ethnic group or type of man being targeted. Plus I always argue that almost everyone commits crimes, some people just actually get caught lol. So the guy who was drunk driving and killed a family is no different than me when I used to drive drunk, I just was lucky enough not to hit anyone. Not the most positive example but I think that you get my point. Also that taking advantage of lonely women thing isn’t mutually exclusive to men who have done time before, Hell the non-criminals do it too lol.
Now that whole sex with men in prison thing… I have heard just as many rumors about men who weren’t in jail performing such acts. So I guess you have to pick the more believable guy?
So what if he is broke our unemployed. There are several companies that employ people with criminal backgrounds and besides, many people say that most men are already broke and/or jobless, at least these guys who did time would have an excuse.
So what is stopping you? Maybe fear of settling and marrying down? Better yet, what exactly is marrying down to you? I feel as if this term is usually applied to a man’s finances or maybe education level but I could be wrong.
The money thing is always interesting because sometimes I think maybe we put too much value into money but I get it, money matters… a lot. I just wonder what if the man was a good man, adored you, treated you like a queen, doesn’t cheat, good communicator, doesn’t make you look stupid, loved you and your dirty drawers and did that stuff around the house and satisfied you physically. Would money still be a deal breaker? Better yet if he is doing all of these things for you as a woman is it really settling or marrying down?
So what if he doesn’t know when to use loss or lost. A lot of people don’t and besides, that should have been learned in elementary school, not college lol. So what if he doesn’t have a degree? Think about the personalities and issues that the men you know or dated that you either went to college with or that have a degree… exactly lol.
I imagine that the fear or risk is that you can hold this person down while they are at their lowest and either they do not reciprocate once they are back on their feet or maybe they leave you for someone else once they are in a better space. Once again that isn’t mutually exclusive to people with a criminal background. So either way, you will have this risk. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but there is no “sure thing” when it comes to dating and relationships.
So yeah, ladies would you consider getting a #PrisonBae? Seriously, we all make mistakes. I am sure there are some crimes that you wouldn’t consider too bad and you could overlook as long as it doesn’t happen again, right? Just saying, I know some, hell I also work and have worked with some pretty stand up guys who have done time before.