That being boring thing is tough. I’m quiet by nature. I’m also very structured and believe in having a routine so most of my days are exactly the same. This makes those “how was your day at work” convos very short and monotonous lol. Occasionally a coworker does something so crazy that I notice but for the most part, it’s like groundhog day. I worked, ate, used the restroom a bunch of times and minded my business.
It’s hilarious, I literally have women who will message me on snapchat, not because they are interested in me but to tell me I need to go out and do shit and not be boring. Of course, my first inclination is to say eff you, you don’t know me and why do you care but instead, I say “lol” or “I’m good”.
You know that question you ask when getting to know someone “what do you do for fun” is so very important. It tells me what you are into, if we are on the same page and if it is something I can deal with and hopefully vice versa.
So when I get asked this question I usually say, do Dad stuff, write, gym, resting. Maybe I will throw in eating food also. As I get older I find myself getting more disciplined so I still don’t smoke, limit my alcohol intake, watch what I eat, like to save money and don’t go out as much. Lol, definitely not much to work with huh? Now when I ask women these questions the list is a little longer. I usually get, well I like to drink, smoke hookah, be a foodie, go to happy hour, brunch, concerts, shop, travel, go to movies, watch reality TV, etc. Of course, this doesn’t apply to all women but it does apply to the majority that I have met in the past decade.
So right then and there after that one question we already see that we are different and on some level, a compromise must happen.
Damn lol. It’s not that difficult at first for me because the act of going out on dates usually takes care of some of the things that women like to do that I may not be into. However, as time progresses it could be problematic. Especially as those no’s and “I don’t feel like doing this” increases lol.
First of all, women don’t do well with the word no or rejection in my experience. No, they may not react as physically to it as men do but the verbal and emotional reactions to it? Man look. Then there is the issue as to why you said no. No matter the reason you give her, it’s a good chance she won’t believe you and will let their imagination come up with another reason instead. That could be that they think you are no longer is interested in them, or that there is someone else. Oh yeah and then there is this factor when you are saying no there is always another man who will say yes or is telling her if he had the chance he would say yes.
Just think about it. Yeah maybe you are taking care of home, hard working, good sex and whatnot but maybe there isn’t as much communication between you two, fewer dates and outings. Eventually, it gets old. She is bored, looking for fun or an escape and meanwhile, you are tired and annoyed from her complaining and being unhappy and you are also looking for an escape.
I know a man who interacts with a lot of married women sexually. You know the number one reason they tell him why they are doing this or complain about? It’s simple, their man is boring or not giving them the attention that they desire. “He is a hard worker and good husband but…” proceeds to cheat* lol.
Maybe this is oversharing but this isn’t the first time I did it lol. I remember my parents’ relationship very vividly. My Dad worked hard, paid all the bills, took care of home and did traditional husband stuff. Meanwhile, my Mom worked, cooked and cleaned and took care of home. The one complaint she had, minus that whole cheating thing that eventually happened (yeahhh Pops messed up smh) was that he seemed to work too much and never really did anything. His idea of relaxing was fishing, hunting, and family outings with his family included. My Mom liked other things, like dates and couples outings and she needed those things to be happy and often times I think that my father fell short in providing that. It was cool that he was a great father and provider but right or wrong that is not always enough.
I always hear the term equally yoked and while I don’t necessarily subscribe to that I do think that it’s important that you and your significant other have similar hobbies or things that you like to do. This way you won’t feel forced to do things that they like and it’s something that you both can actually enjoy.
Social media has also taught me that women don’t like boring men. I can’t really blame Y’all either. It has to be tough forcing conversations, and having to ask someone to go do stuff or always coming up with suggestions because they don’t want to do anything. This is why I would never get mad or bash a woman for feeling that way or complaining about it. I understand the frustration.
So then you have me lol. I have learned to be a little more flexible in my older age but even then it’s a process. I date, we can go places and do things, we aren’t going to just chill all the time and I’m down for a baecation or a quick weekend getaway. Despite my flexibility it still seems as if some women want to do even more and eventually I just say, I can’t give you what you want, you need to find another man who is better suited for you and let them go… or just stop responding to them if they are really annoying me.
This is partially why I think that if I am to get married it would be in my late 40s to mid-50s. Not necessarily on some “I want to play the field for a long time” but I think that by then my boring, old man ways won’t be frowned upon as much lol. Seriously. Women in their mid-20s are way different than women in their mid-30s. So I imagine the same would apply as we got older.
So I guess I better keep taking care of my body, continue progressing in my career and get ready to prepare to find my queen in my 40s… which ironically is less than 5 years away smh.