Between drinking, attempting to go out and be social and playoff basketball I missed a few interesting topics on Twitter. One that I found quite interesting was something called a “pre-date”.
I decided to do a search for this “phenomenon” on twitter and while I couldn’t get a clear definition I gathered that a pre-date is almost like a screening process in which you meet with someone to see if you guys click and if the person is worth your time and money.
Personally, I always assumed that was what happened even before going on a date. I mean, I assumed that was what conversation (and some social media research) was originally for but I guess this can work too?
The elephant in the room is that there really is no right or wrong in regards to dating in my personal opinion. We all have our own rules, standards, and preferences that we follow and that work best for us. So as long as you are upfront and open to whoever it is you are dating or talking to I see no issues with that,
I’m sorry but one size does not fit all, despite what you may believe or what gender roles or views your parents may have passed down to you. So spare us with the whole a “real man” or “real woman” narrative.
So let’s look at this from a males point of view. Not all males obviously but just my opinion and what I have read or heard from others.
Dating, from a male point of view, can suck. It can be nerve-wracking, scary, stressful, draining, humiliating and expensive. When done correctly it can be a beautiful thing also but I am mainly going to attempt to speak on the negative. It would defeat the purpose of my post if I didn’t lol.
The process of meeting someone new, getting to know them, asking for a date, hoping to set up something that she will like, hoping you don’t say something too stupid or that you mess up, it can be a lot. Then you add the fear of time and money being wasted. Like, what if she is only entertaining me because she is bored or she is waiting for the other dude to act right? We all have heard or read the horror stories of men being stored in a woman’s phone contacts as free food or women saying they accepted a date because they didn’t want to spend their money or were broke. No one wants to feel used so I get why some men have that fear. People want to protect themselves, I get it. They want to protect their mind, heart, body, and pockets lol.
So let’s get back to those pockets. I cringe when women’s first response to men who mention the cost of dating is that “you’re broke and ashy because it’s cheap to date”. Well yes and no lol. In the era of Groupon, festivals, and actual websites that will tell you what there is to do for free in the area there are quite a few cost friendly dating ideas. With that being said, no matter what it is, if it costs money because you are bringing or inviting someone else the cost has to be multiplied by 2. So let’s say I go to a festival like beer, bourbon & bbq what would normally cost around $45 will now cost $90. Now let’s say you are doing the more traditional dates like brunch or dinner or out for drinks you can be prepared to spend even more. Hell, I have had months where I went on 3 or 4 dates and spent anywhere from $300 – $500 dollars so yeah it can add up. Lol and ladies if you don’t think it costs a lot to date, feel free to go dutch or pay? Just saying.
I can imagine what some women are saying, well if you can’t afford to date you shouldn’t and I agree. That is why there have been times in my life when decided not to date. Dating is not a priority. It’s more of a want than a need. So as a parent and a somewhat responsible adult who has bills that need to be paid in a timely manner or other unforeseen expenses that may be impacting my pockets I realized that not only would it be unfair to the woman but it would be even more unfair to myself. I have been the guy who took my last to try and date a woman and it was all bad. Have you guys seen the movie Half – Baked? Well in the movie Dave Chappelle’s character (Thurgood Jenkins lol) was broke but went on a date with this woman. He somehow made it work by not really eating but taking the date on a walk, getting her a hot dog, taking a cab and eventually getting ice cream. The most relatable part was the stress he was under as he attempted to budget throughout the date. Speaking from experience that isn’t fun at all. Like you are more worried about what you are spending than actually enjoying your date and getting to know her. Not to mention how stupid and upset you are going to feel the following week when you are broke, eating noodles and mad at yourself for spending your last hundred bucks on someone who won’t even text you back in a timely manner lol.
So I get why some of you may want a pre-date. It’s like why can’t I find out whether she is or she isn’t the one for free lol. Sounds good but more often than not that’s not quite how it works. Dating/relationships are an investment that requires some time and some money and have a lot of risks. So the same way I get on women who complain about time being wasted and how they hate the getting to know you, dating process/stage the same applies to men. There really is no easy button and more often than not you can’t always cut corners. So you may have to take a small loss (whether that be financial or emotional or whatever) from time to time. You have to go through those conversations, go on those dates, spend some time and money to get what you want. It’s rare that people just click after saying hello and live happily ever after. So yeah, while all of the “work” seems annoying and unnecessary, I imagine that once you meet the right person all of that will be worth it and you won’t really care or feel like it was worth it.
You know the back and forth between men and women in regards to dating is funny as Hell. Women getting upset or mad at men for being selective with their money. Meanwhile, men are getting upset at women for being selective with their body or women being concerned about their safety (i.e. sending friends license plate info, no meeting at their home etc.). Both sides calling names, well he is broke or well she is basically a prostitute lol.
Your body, your choice. His money, his choice? Just like he isn’t entitled to sex, you aren’t entitled to him spending money on you.
It’s amazing how men and women seem to ignore the similarities between each other. Hell, the pre-date thing sounds just as crazy as women suggesting men cash app them to talk or get contact info or how they feel as if certain restaurants are beneath them but I digress. So while I will not participate in the pre-date thing I am ok with those of you men who do.
So um yeah, good luck with those pre-dates fellas.