You’re so nonchalant… too laid back… nothing excites you. I swear I have been hearing this all of my life. Well ever since women started liking me back lol, so not that long ago.
I admit that there are times that it can be triggering. I do this funny thing where if I hear or see something enough, even if I think I know the meaning of it I will look it up. Just to clarify the meaning & make sure what it is I’m seeing or hearing is correct.
So I looked up these words & this is what I saw:
(of a person or manner) feeling or appearing casually calm and relaxed; not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm.
“she gave a nonchalant shrug”
- relaxed and easygoing.
“a shaggy dog with an engaging, laid-back temperament”
So what’s wrong with having these traits? The nonchalant definition is important because of this one word, “appearing”. So just because someone appears to not be interested then that doesn’t mean that they aren’t. I hear this quite often from women I date, usually in the first few weeks. I must admit that it get’s so annoying because it’s like damn, can you get a chance to really know me first because hell, I don’t even know you well enough yet. Maybe it’s the norm for people to figure out others really fast? Like, do y’all usually meet men and figure them out after a conversation? Either way, it becomes a huge turnoff as I constantly hear that. It’s like well since you already have me figured out, why even bother or attempt to prove otherwise? Seems pointless.
In a generation where I constantly hear about men being too emotional or unstable who wouldn’t want a relaxed and easy going guy? Like, imagine if there is real conflict or issue. Wouldn’t you want someone to be able to handle it in a calm manner or someone who is able to relax you through a time like this? Imagine having a disagreement or argument with someone who isn’t so calm. The potential of the situation escalating and verbal or physical abuse would have to rise.
I always felt like me not reacting or spazzing or going off on someone is the highest form of me caring. Like I care enough not to call you out of your name, yell or overreact. I will admit that I am not always this way. There have been times where I did react and after some serious deliberation, I removed myself from the situation. Once I see a trend of me being unable to control my emotions it just makes sense to step away and reevaluate or get yourself together.
It feels like people mistake passion for a lack of control, discipline, and maturity. Like there have to be other ways for women to realize that a man cares about them.
I get the flipside of this too. Because he comes off as not caring that means that there is a good chance he won’t “fight for you” or the relationship. Lol, I mean don’t threaten to leave or leave and this will be a moot point.
The funny thing is that it’s not about caring. It’s more so about being even-keeled. This is something my father taught me at a very young age. Never get too high, and never get too low. Handle the wins the same way you handle the losses. It comes in handy as an adult because well, I have had twice as many failures than I had successes. That’s how I’m able to cope and keep what little bit of sanity that I have.
Hell, being so even-keeled has saved me from jumping to conclusions or possibly becoming violent. I once rolled over on my ex’s phone, picked it up to move it and it was a guy telling her he loved her. Now the emotional dude would have woke her up, yelling and screaming, possibly hit her, kicked her out, anything but no not me. I just verified the information and that she was cheating, went to sleep, addressed it calmly at a later date and kicked her ass out, calmly lol. No scenes and no violence.
I guess the best way to combat this feeling that your significant other is too nonchalant is to get to know them and even better actually spend time around them. By doing so you actually get to know their traits, habits, how they show love and express themselves. Now I also have to admit, that requires the laid back person to open up and help you understand who they are and how they express themselves. That way you can tell if that person is really into you or cares. I imagine this process could be difficult for those of you who do the long distance thing and sorry, I don’t have any advice for you. I mean it would be easier if you guys actually knew each other first and were local, then the long distance thing happened. However, since that’s not the case all I can say is good luck, it’s a crap shoot lol.
So yeah, stop telling people that they are too laid back and nonchalant because I know me personally I take it as a compliment and as a 35-year-old man I am not changing. I am willing to bet that these other people won’t either, so save your breath lol.