I attempted to engage in more conversation on Twitter and I regret it lol.
This video is what intrigued me and made me feel the need to comment. No, I am not posting the video, this is only a picture of it.
So what I got from the video was that some men do a lot of “wyd”, “hey beautiful”, ghosting, then randomly hit you with the “I miss you” after the fact, don’t really have a stable career (he said he had like 3 or 4 different careers lol), don’t communicate well and when pressed to communicate can lash out. All the other stuff though? Not relatable.
I know I have ghosted and some days I don’t feel like talking or have much to say but I’m just one man out of billions. So I don’t know how most men interact with women outside of my boys and stories from female friends, (even my nieces have funny stories lol) so this video and the comments surprised me.
I commented because I was shocked at all of the women who agreed with the video. It’s always shocking and enlightening to hear what the opposite sex thinks of you and your gender in general. Lol and notice that I said shocked, which shouldn’t be confused with triggered lol.
So why in the Hell did I do that? I should have known better than to comment. I did feel as if my first comment was ok because I asked: “is this how women view us”? Hey, I don’t date men so I don’t know, nor do I claim to know what women go through. Hell, I don’t even really understand Y’all if we are being honest.
Now if only I would have stopped with that comment things would have been cool but I didn’t. A woman responded to my comment and like an idiot, I replied back attempting to gain understanding & explain myself.
See, that’s where I messed up. I forgot several of my social media rules. Those rules being that you shouldn’t debate with strangers on social media. Especially on topics involving dating & the opposite sex. Mainly because emotions will get involved and because you don’t know these people and they can misinterpret your words. Hell, even if you do know them some things can get lost in translation.
So I commented like a dumb ass and asked if this was how women viewed us in general and this woman let me have it. I got accused of “mansplaining”, being mad, a hit dog, pretending to be different than the rest but I wasn’t and then eventually blocked once I explained that I cared about the opinion of the young lady’s about me almost as much as she cared about my opinion about her. Which I guess was a polite way of saying your word’s don’t mean anything to me because well, you don’t know me. So let’s end this discussion.
See this was all my fault. Should have scrolled on by and kept it moving or left that one comment up, but noooo, I broke my rule, Do not engage smh lol.
Then it happened… my boy tweeted “women need to make better choices”. Man look. Why did this fool say that? The floodgates opened smh lol. You know good and damn well people hate to take accountability for anything and telling them to do so will only anger them.
So as multiple people commented and chimed in all I could do was shake my head. Then I asked myself what’s wrong with suggesting that people make better choices? That’s what I always tell my boys when they hit me up complaining about the messed up women or situations they happen to put themselves in. It’s like yeah bro that’s messed up but you chose her, and overlooked certain things, and let her get away with certain things, so it’s just as much your fault.
Growing up I used to get into trouble in school from time to time & every time I would come home before I got my punishment my Dad would ask what happened and I would explain what everyone else did. My father would then look at me and ask, “but what did you do” lol. You already know how that convo ended. I got some good old corporal punishment, even when I felt like it wasn’t my fault. So yeah, the point of this trip down memory lane wasn’t me possibly admitting to receiving child abuse, instead, my point was that my father taught me that no matter the situation or predicament I was in, there is still some level of responsibility that I have to take.
So maybe that’s why his “make better choices” comment resonated with me. It’s like situations where let’s say I was cheated on. Yes, she is wrong for cheating but I am also responsible for ignoring or overlooking some obvious signs either because I was in lust or because I thought I could change who she was or how she acted. You can’t get mad at a snake for biting you if you bend down and put your hand in front of the snake’s mouth. They are snakes, they bite shit, it’s what they do lol. Another example, when C3 was born, things didn’t work out with his Mom. As I went through that process I was upset and wanted to play the blame game. Sadly reality hit me and I realized that maybe if I would have got to know her and her background a little better and used protection we wouldn’t have been in that predicament (we are cool now) but it was rocky as at first. I mean I could also say that she should have done the same but those aren’t things I could control, only my actions were what I could control.
This is also why I don’t really bad mouth or have issues with women from my past. They couldn’t have done me dirty if I wouldn’t have picked and chose to deal with their ass. Seriously though, there is a level of responsibility or accountability that I have to take. I can’t be the only one who sits back after the fact and realizes that I ignored so many obvious signs.
Y’all do realize that saying make better choices doesn’t absolve the other person from being wrong either? So it’s like yes the man is wrong for not communicating well and being full of shit too. In fact there is no justification or excuse for his actions. None at all.
So yeah, you would think that I learned my lesson but nope, like a dummy I decided to comment on the post again, asking why saying make better choices was such bad advice. Of course I got the response that “men need to make better choices” which is expected from the “well they do it too” crowd but I also was informed that saying make better choices wasn’t good advice because men aren’t taught about their toxic behavior amongst other things and then I had one woman accuse me of saying it’s women’s fault that men are pieces of shit.
I had to read my tweets over because I was so lost. So 1+1=4 now? Smh. My point was that people have to do a better job picking who they entertain and have a better vetting process before choosing someone to be with. It’s not foolproof because people can be good actors and lie their ass off. Also, some of these bad traits that some men have women are finding out during the early stages. Even then, at that point, all they can do is leave the man alone ASAP. That’s the thing though, nothing is foolproof but hell, its a start.
I mean what else can we control? You can’t make another adult do anything that they don’t want to do, so control what you are able to control. What can you control exactly? Well, you can control your actions and your choices. It’s either that or you can remain a victim and wait for the majority of men that may happen to be your type to change I guess? If that’s the option you choose, have fun waiting.
I’ll stick to doing what works for me (even though one can argue that it hasn’t necessarily worked out yet lol) and that’s focusing on what I can control, specifically who I allow into my space.
Oh yeah, and before I forget, this advice applies to men too. Make better choices bruh.