Be better men…

One thing that I have forced myself to do over the years is to attempt to at least listen to other points of view and be more open-minded or receptive to what I hear.

So with this is what I decided to do as I received negative feedback from some women in regards to my “Make better choices” post. After the responses, I decided to also take another look at my post. Mainly because well I am the first to admit that ” I don’t know shit” lol. This is why when I write you will notice that there are a lot of questions in my posts. Because I truly don’t know, I just have questions and opinions.

So to those of you who shared and commented thank you and to those of you who said: “fuck you”… fuck you too lol.

I mean I had to say it back. If you can’t handle an opposing opinion without resorting to name calling you deserve to get the same type of response. I guess I”m not bigger than that, oh well.

So outside of that B.S., the number one response that I received from women was that why don’t I tell men to be better people. My reason for doing so is because it is easier to control what we do as people, instead of persuading or trying to tell someone else to change or do things differently, however, I am not going to beat a dead horse.

Be better people men.

See, that wasn’t so hard now was it? The thing is that the concept makes perfect sense but there are parts of it that I still struggle with. I truly believe that once people become adults they generally are who they are. Then there is the fact that I also believe that my reach or influence isn’t that strong.

I feel as if there is only one stage that you can do something to change this behavior.

That stage is when men are younger. When they are boys or in their early teenage years. That’s why it’s important for men to have such discussions or be good role models for their kids, and nephews. You have to do it early, before they develop such bad habits or become heavily influenced by their peers and the other negative things in society, such as basically anything involving the media. If you don’t reach boys before they become men it’s going to be too late. That’s just what it is. Once they become men, it’s up to them to make that change and well, I just don’t know at what stage of their life that happens. Maybe when they develop erectile dysfunction?

I had this discussion with one of my friends who happens to be a woman and she asked me if I checked my boys on things like this and I said it all depends on what I observe or what they tell me. I also reminded her that she doesn’t even listen to me or take my advice so I am not too sure as to why she thinks me checking them would do anything but I decided to continue with the discussion. I tend to keep the inner workings of my relationships to myself minus when I vent occasionally or happily tell my boys that I am dealing with someone and that we are in a good space. In regards to how they interact or communicate with women I generally don’t know how that works. We don’t really sit and talk about things like that, Especially not the small stuff, I really only hear about the major things. So when they hit me with these things usually I respond with such gems as “you have to live with her I don’t” or “you might as well stay and work it out because there ain’t shit out here in these streets”. Whenever they tell me things like maybe they want to cheat or that they are receiving pressure from their significant other I keep it blunt and honest. I am going to state the obvious, don’t cheat and if you feel this way just leave her ass. It’s not that complicated. I guess I could say that if you cheat we cant be cool anymore and I have friends who became associates because of some of their bad choices. At the same time what I find funny in regards to me giving a friend an ultimatum about cheating is that Hell, if they don’t listen to the woman they love allegedly or even their vows before their God (if they are married) what the Hell can my words or threat do? Lol, that’s just something in them. I am not stopping shit. Besides, I usually hear about those things after the fact because I guess they already know how I will feel about it. Especially if they know you won’t agree. I noticed that generally when people tell you things like this they only want you to cosign, their mind is already made up.

Oh yeah, that other scenario. I once had a friend who was receiving pressure from his woman to get married. I told him either marry her or leave her because at this stage if this is what she wants and he isn’t giving it to her she will not be happy and she is going to continue to be unhappy, nag and make his life miserable. I also added that at this stage all he is doing is wasting her time. So let her go so she can find another man who is on that same level. At this point he is just in the way. Simple enough advice right?

So that’s the thing when asked my opinion I don’t answer based off of my gender. I just say what I feel is right or wrong. My only allegiance is to the truth. Plus since we are friends or have been friends for so long a little disagreement won’t hurt anything. It’s nothing to be honest with your friends, even if they don’t like what you are telling them.

So as I look back at the cartoon that was posted I think to myself, I don’t know men who are sending multiple “wyd” texts, ghosting women, lying and that don’t know how to have a basic adult conversation. Maybe it is because most of my friends are damn near middle-aged and in relationships. Hell, I’m probably the worst in the group and even then, I’m nowhere on that level. Lol, or am I?  Let’s see, I am not a man of many words but I have the ability to engage in conversation, especially on a date, that’s easy. I don’t do the “wyd” or send me a pic thing and yes I have ghosted before lol but hell once I vanish I won’t bother you again. There is also that being & straightforward and blunt thing, I definitely have that covered, in fact, I hear that I may be too blunt lol.

You know what? I will pretend that my words have this level of power and maybe some random man will click on this post and read it and see the error of his ways. Maybe, just maybe this is the push that he needs. I say that with a high level of skepticism but hell, this wouldn’t be the first time that I was wrong. Besides, I have written similar posts before in regards to explaining to men the best way to interact with women… in my opinion and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that they weren’t going to take my advice lol.

So single young men, if you are going to date or entertain women it’s probably for the best that you are honest, you actually like them, and that you have a stable income.

The honesty part is important because it allows or gives you the chance for a woman to trust you one day and if nothing else, you let her know your intentions so she can decide whether to deal with you or not. Also of note, even if you let her know up front what your intentions are and she keeps trying to change then over time or “move the goalposts” so to speak and you don’t feel the same way it’s a good idea to let her go. This specifically goes out to the men who may have agreed to something casual and the woman informs you she wants something more. This also goes to those of you who may be in that “let’s see where things go stage”. If she tells you where she wants things to go and you are not there yet, you have to end it, it’s best for both parties involved.

You actually need to somewhat like the person also. I say this because if she likes you back she will more than likely want to communicate a lot and spend a lot of time with you. So if this is the case it probably won’t bother you as much and you will find yourself paying more attention to what she is saying and will have no issue being around her often. In fact, you may even find yourself asking things and wanting to get to know things about her? Crazy stuff huh?

You also need to be somewhat financially stable because “courting” can be expensive as Hell. If you want to get to know and spend time with a woman you will have to go out and do things. This is not even on some gold digger ish, (which wouldn’t apply to our broke asses anyway) but because this is the norm. So if you can’t afford to date, don’t date. No need to waste anyone’s time, including your own. This also ties into actually liking the person because more than likely you will enjoy dating and getting to know them as opposed to those of you who are just dealing a woman until she finally gives it up. Lol, you aren’t fooling me fellas smh.

Also of note, women seem to hate wyd and constant good morning beautiful or any variation of texts that end in beautiful. Also if you are going to ghost, don’t try to come back. Use that pride and toxic masculinty and leave her the Hell alone. Let that fragile male ego fuel you. Once you are done, be done with her. I don’t care how good she just looked on her most recent Instagram post, no matter what. Also don’t hit her up and make it worse by saying you miss her or asking her does she miss you. It just screams pathetic. You just have to keep scrolling. Now if she hits you up, its fair game lol.

Also, do not, I repeat, do not ask her for a pic (or send one unsolicited). First of all, you follow her on social media, so you can just look at those pics. Secondly, if she wants to send you pics she will send you a pic trust me.

So there you go fellas. Do more of this and less of what you have been doing and maybe, just maybe women won’t make cartoons about us. Lol and even if they do you won’t be impacted by it because it doesn’t apply to you.

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