So I posted these on my IG story over the weekend…
If the usage of the “n-word” offends you I apologize.
I found both of these posts hilarious. What amused me was as expected, some men and women were being hypocrites. Laughing at one and complaining about the other, shocker lol. I wanted to respond like, take your emotions out of it. Both sides are somewhat saying the same thing and let’s be real, both of these posts pretty much sum up what dating is like for most of us.
As it should be.
What’s the adage? “Keep your options open…”, this can be applied to so many aspects of our lives, especially in regards to dating. Hell, it’s words to live by but even then, it often times can and does make dating complicated.
I like competition. There is something about competition that gets the adrenaline pumping. May the best man or team win. That’s why I why I watch and play sports. That is also why I was upset when Kevin Durant signed with Golden State (you just knew that they were going to win everything) because that killed the competition. It’s no fun when you know who is going to win and there isn’t much resistance involved.
So now that we have established that I like competition, this is also why I don’t mind dating and knowing that the woman I am pursuing also has other men pursuing her. Challenge accepted.
That sounds good, doesn’t it? Ha. Sadly as I get older I think that instead of competition bringing out the best in me, often times it can also bring out the laziness in me. I go into every interaction with the opposite sex with the assumption that she is entertaining another person or two. As a matter of fact, if someone tells me that they aren’t (especially if they volunteer the information without me asking) I will feel as if my intelligence is being insulted. Lol, I remember a woman hit me with that line, “you are the only person I am talking to” without me even asking her to be that way and she ended up hitting me up less than a month later saying that she was pregnant. Now in her defense, I suppose that talking and “fuckin” are technically two different things. So maybe next time I will be more specific or ask the woman to be more specific if she volunteers that information.
So where was I? Oh yeah, it can make me a little lazy or indifferent at times. I find myself easily dismissive of what some women request of me with that knowledge. A woman can say “Calvin I need you to do x,y,z better” and if I feel as if it’s something that I don’t think makes sense my brain will say “tell her to go ask the other dude to do it, she has options and I’ll be damned if I am changing” cues Brand Nubian “Love me or Leave me alone.
Then there is the fact that I don’t trust men to actually do the right thing. I mean eventually, the other dudes will mess up. Let him not message you back in a timely manner or you see him make a thirsty/flirty comment on IG, too many “wyd” texts, send me pic requests, it get’s boring, no planned dates or you have a bad date or you get some “good advice” from one of your friends then Boom! I know you will decide to fall back and put your energy elsewhere and if we are on decent speaking terms then it will more than likely be my turn. Smiles at the “hey you” text lol*.
Then there is the fact that I am allowed to also have options. So if she is getting on your nerves or does something that you aren’t really feeling, you can fall back and decide to entertain someone else a little more seriously or more often. It’s like football. They have power rankings every week and based off of performance people move up and down those rankings. So in a man’s “dating” power rankings, the women can rotate into different slots. I mean, she may be number 1 this week but she kept asking “what are we” so she moves down to number 4. Meanwhile, number 4 moved up because she sent you a nude or some shit lol.
You know, if you think about it, we really suck at multitasking. It’s like yes we have the ability to do multiple things at once but how good are we doing those things? I can text and drive but I don’t drive as well as I do when I put my phone down and just drive. So in regards to dating, it’s like yes I can technically date multiple women but I still find myself unable to fully give them the correct energy. It also can lead to me missing out on certain things, good and bad just because I wasn’t giving her my full attention. Maybe I missed out on the fact that she wasn’t over her ex because while she was talking to me about it on the phone I was texting someone else or thinking about someone else. Maybe she was showing me effort but because I was too busy trying to figure out an issue with another woman or juggle I missed that too. It happens. Then you realize months later after the shit hit the fan that you made the wrong choice. Lol, that’s why we send or receive those “hey stranger” texts months later.
What else can we do though? Should we put all of our eggs in one basket? Take the risk and put ourselves out there and date exclusively, even though we don’t fully know how the other person feels about us. Then add the fact that the other person is more than likely not being exclusive? Can our egos handle that? Can we not be upset and hold it against the other person? Can we give 100% knowing that it may not be reciprocated? Are you willing to knowingly realize that you could very well end up looking and feeling like a fool?
So is this options thing a logical way of thinking, just common sense, a way to survive or our ego talking? Sometimes I feel like it is more ego than anything else. I get it, I know you think you are unique, no one can love him/her like you can, anything after you is a downgrade, etc. etc. So if we really feel this way about ourselves why can’t we just entertain one person at a time? I mean, even if for whatever reason it doesn’t work out it’s still their loss, right? Also with this ego and knowledge of our so-called greatness, wouldn’t it be just as easy or wouldn’t we feel so confident that even if things didn’t work out, someone else would come along and want us?
Hell, I don’t know, I’m just asking questions at this point so good luck however you carry it lol.